Saw this license plate on a car the other day, and I have to cry “Fowl!” There is no way that person is THE #1 fan; twenty minutes later, I saw the same license plate on another car. I’m sure both guys found their plates in a bin of “#1 fan” stuff. This whole thing seems like one of the most blatant lies imaginable, but our society has no problems perpetuating.

What if two people wearing “#1 fan” t-shirts walked past each other on the street? Would they just look away in disgust, knowing full-well that their lives are a sham?

I think the best way to solve this problem would be to require any person that owns a piece of “#1 fan” memorabilia to fight to the death every time they cross paths with someone else claiming to be the #1 fan of the same team/sport/talk show. Give it enough time and being the #1 fan of anything would carry some serious weight. Not to mention, Steelers games would be much more interesting. They could spend all the time covering the crowd fighting, and the announcers would just give updates on the score.

Also, I don’t think this is a legal street sign?

I wasn’t going to write this post.

I swore I wouldn’t write this post. I made a conscious effort to stop myself from writing this post. I’m still not sure it is a good idea to write a post about the death of Michael Jackson. I didn’t want to write it for several reasons: a) it’s kind of tacky, b) everyone is “writing” something about MJ, c) I had nothing interesting to say. Then it came to me, like a dove landing on windowsill.

I actually twittered about it…as I was having this revelation.

I was ichatting with @kevinjohngomez about the death of MJ and we were both saying how it had virtually no impact on us, emotionally or otherwise. I was talking about listening to someone on the radio saying when they heard the news it was like that time Alderaan was destroyed.

“I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.”
- Obi Wan Kenobi

I felt none of that. I am sorry to say, but the first thing I thought when I heard MJ died was, he just relocated to his secret moon base. Honestly. But then it hit me…I understood the reason I don’t care about what happened to Michael Jackson:

I have only ever known Michael Jackson as a crazy person.

I was born in 1986, and my only true memory of Michael Jackson was my parents not letting me watch the news. Even with people talking about what a great album Thriller was/is, it seemed like two different people to me. I love Thriller, but my only frame of reference for MJ outside of “child molester” was the Thriller video, where he is dressed like a zombie…

This did not help his image much in my young mind.

So when MJ died, how could his death not be a joke? I cared about his death about as much as I did when I heard Billy Mays died. Same with Ed McMahon. Same with Farrah Fawcett. For an older generation, one that grew up watching him, it can understand it would be quite different.

One of the truest things I’ve heard in the media’s sloppy wet kiss for MJ was that a whole new generation will get to “know” him, and they won’t be burdened by the “possible pedophilia.” Very true.

For me, I don’t have any reasons to care what happened because he never “meant” anything to me. I can’t force it now. Sorry, MJ. Maybe my kids will grow love you? Or maybe they’ll get nuked.

Remember when your parent/teacher told you never to tell a stranger you’re home alone? They said, “Tell the stranger on the phone that your parent or guardian in not available right now, but that you can take a message.” The other day, I got really scared that someone knew I was home alone, even though I’m a grown adult.

Do you ever feel that way?

I am 23, but I don’t really feel like an “adult” yet. BUT I really am an adult, I swear. I have a cardigan. I own things, like real things (e.g. a car, a laptop, a nice TV, a down comforter). I book my own flights, but in my mind, I’m 17.

I just don’t feel like an “adult,” even when I’m filing my 1040. Is it one of those things, like coffee or Leonard Cohen, that takes time to get into? Will I ever feel like I have arrived? Will I be a cool adult that kids “want to be” when they grow-up?

Link via @ThatKevinSmith.

Looks like this year’s Juno/Little Miss Sunshine/every other movie teenage hipsters and aging parents love. I will probably rent it. I can’t help but think the screenwriter was shooting for that built-in market of losers who feel like the world “doesn’t get them.”

Whatever.

Is anyone else tired of depressed guys falling for crazy/self-actualized (but secretly broken) chicks (see: Punch Drunk Love, Eternal Sunshine, Juno, et al)? Go see The Hangover instead. It is EPIC.

Epic.

BONUS: Zack Galifianakis on Conan

Thanks to @MGMcadam for the link, albeit unintentionally.

I actually like it better the “official” version, except the young Alan Harper in the record shop. Shouldn’t he be making a terrible sitcom somewhere?

That, and also blogging might be dead.

I promise there is more content to come, but I feel like I have been phoning it in lately. I just want to try focusing on quality, not quantity.

And so should you. I am so happy to see a prequel/sequel/re-boot that didn’t “crystal skull” all over the place. J.J. Abrams knows what he’s doing.

If you haven’t already, I suggest you drop some dead prez (I also saw Notorious this weekend) on this flick. It’s worth the lettuce.

New episodes of The Office kinda suck.

I guess I am just getting sick of Michael Scott acting like he has a learning disability; he should have been fired back in Season 3. There is no way that someone like that could keep his job.

I know…I know. It’s comedy!

But I guess I just liked it better when the plots involved things that could actually happen in an office. I think it makes it funnier. I know it was a choice on the producer’s part to go more absurd, I just don’t like it. I felt let down.

Just wanted you to know.

Am I going to stop watching? Probably not.

Bonus Office UK clip.